Old Father Time

Mastered

2011-07-26T03:15:00.004+01:00

It will be remembered as ‘People’s Monday’ at Lords. The queues of fans snaked through St John’s Wood from the crack of dawn but it was going to take some Indian charm of the highest order to extract a result from a high class 2000th Test. They came to see the little master shoulder the burden of saving his nation at cricketing HQ but England were reading from a different script.

Deep in the final session of play a rejuvenated Stuart Broad trapped Ishant Sharma in front of his stumps for his seventh wicket of the match and England took a deserved lead in the four Test series with a convincing 196 run victory. The celebrations on the pitch showed the level of desire amongst the team to be recognised as the best in the business.

When England is credited with innovative thinking and the man dispensing the credit is S R Waugh then you take notice that this cricket team must have a bit about them. Australia found this to their cost in the winter and they may be smiling ruefully now that the English bowling attack has laid waste to the more vaunted Indian batting line-up dismissing them twice for under 300.

True, India suffered from injury and illness to Gambhir, Tendulkar and, crucially, Khan at various stages of this match but they also arrived under-cooked. Duncan Fletcher coached England to a glorious high in 2005 and humiliating low in 2006/07. More than anyone he knows the value of preparation for a high-octane series. Resting senior players for the recent tour of the West Indies and scheduling one warm-up game in advance of the Lord’s Test has proved insufficient against an England team performing as a cohesive unit.

As Kevin Pietersen, a deserved man of the match, put it succinctly ‘All departments seem to be covered.’ The batting showed grit in the first innings and when the foundations were rocked to the core in the second innings it was Prior and Broad who took the game away from India with a game-changing seventh wicket partnership of 162.

It was the bowling attack that really stood out and not just because of their height. It seems inconceivable that until last December the human tripod Tremlett had only played three Tests since his debut against India four years previously. In his 38th Test Broad finally discovered that he’s more likely to take wickets when the ball lands in the same half of the pitch as the batsman. The spin department out-bowled their more experienced counterpart. It was Anderson though that stepped up to the mark on the final day. Few bowlers in cricket will have taken the wickets of a more illustrious trio than Dravid, Laxman and Tendulkar in the same innings. It was a fitting reward for the leader of the attack.

India has only 3 days to re-group before Trent Bridge. They have the talent to turn this series around but they must act fast. There is a sense that this England is a younger, sharper, more disciplined and resourceful beast than the old masters of India can handle. A combination of great batsmen, cunning bowlers, shoddy fielding and gnarled coach may not be sufficient to see them come from behind.

A cut above

2011-02-28T01:20:00.001Z

There’s life in the old dog yet. The surfeit of mediocrity that cricket fans are force fed by the Twenty20 format has made some nostalgic for the relative sobriety of an old-fashioned One Day International. The 11th Cricket World Cup has its problems but in the land where the IPL is the cricketing equivalent of the Emperor’s New Clothes the 40,000 people that packed the Chinnaswamy stadium got full value for money. The contest between India and England ebbed and flowed all the way to a breathless finish. It was super-charged cricket for 100 overs in a white-hot atmosphere.

The record books will show that England tied the match scoring 338-8 but at 281-2 in the 43rd over the most improbable of run chases was within touching distance of an England team that had previously looked a pale imitation of the disciplined unit that humiliated Australia only last month. That England didn’t make it over the finish line was due to some inspired clutch bowling from Zaheer Khan. That England was even in with a chance was due to an innings of rare brilliance from captain Andrew Strauss with 158 from 145 deliveries.

Test cricket has shown Strauss as a calm, resolute leader of men – able to motivate them to achieve feats beyond their predecessors. Whereas the challenge of captaincy sent Flintoff off the rails in Australia and saw Pietersen spontaneously combust in the West Indies it has seen Strauss remodel his batting first in the Test arena and then in the 50 over format. Strauss exemplifies a man at ease with his game. He knows his limitations and ensures that he plays to his strengths. England has not seen a more adept, if not as brutal, cutter of the ball since Robin Smith. It takes a rare performance to snatch a man of the match award from the grasp of a Sachin Tendulkar century in India but that was one contest in which there was no tie.

That the result will ultimately not mean much in the course of this lengthy competition does not matter as much as the fact that the World Cup had a contest to match its status as the pinnacle of the One Day game. For those that watched enthralled around the world it will be infinitely more memorable than the plethora of Twenty20 games or mis-matched ODIs involving minnows. For both England and India there are plenty of areas of improvement, not least the fielding. For the other nations there is the knowledge that, India, the red-hot favourites will give you a chance with their bowling – no matter how many runs they score.

Take the Urn Home

2011-01-12T08:37:00.000Z

Watching England play cricket in Australia is traditionally a harrowing experience. The walk to the SCG for the final day of the Ashes with 3 wickets needed to secure a first away triumph for 24 years was as pleasurable as a stroll in the English countryside. The best decision that an Australian made during the tour was to let people enter the SCG free to witness the coup de grace. Around 18,000 England supporters turned up to help Andrew Strauss’ team take the urn home. Flags of St George hung from the railings of the Ladies Pavilion. Australians, save for the baggy greens in the middle of the pitch, were in short supply. English dominance on and off the pitch was total.

Despite a morning of showers that threatened to delay the win until after lunch it was just before mid-day when the mighty Chris Tremlett ripped one through what masqueraded as Michael Beer’s defence to rearrange his timbers. Cue delirium amongst the England supporters. The Barmy Army have been singing since 1994 when it was routine to see England routed, frequently in the manner of a whale in the path of a Japanese whaling ship. To support England at cricket and spend hard-earned cash travelling to long-haul destinations to see sporting humiliation on a grand scale epitomised the addiction of the sports fan to their team. There are few more loyal sports fans in the world than those of the England cricket team, certainly no one disputes the lyrics of their song that they are the most loyal cricket supporters the world has ever seen.

At times it has been hard to sing in such unequivocal support of the teams that have worn the England shirt. The last tour of Australia was a particular low point. Duncan Fletcher had vowed to heed the lessons of the 4-1 defeat that he masterminded in 2002/03 and ensure no repetition. He was right, the 5-0 capitulation set a new benchmark. Players were off the pace and the body language in the field betrayed a beaten team. Experienced players like Flintoff could not set the right example from the front. Rookies like Mahmood floundered as if they had gone to play in the Bondi surf without learning to swim. No amount of lifeguards could save that England team. It was a tough posting for the Barmy Army. These are sweet times for the high ranking amongst them.

Wisden will record this Ashes campaign as a 3-1 victory for England. No Australian that you meet will tell you that it felt that close. Every defeat for the home side was by an innings – an achievement to rank alongside the precedent set by Bangladesh. By the end of the tour there was an uneasy sense of confidence in the performance of the England team. The batsmen made runs. The bowlers took wickets. The fielding was tight. This must be what it’s like to watch a winning team we thought. No longer did you need to restrict yourself to the intervals for a run to the bar.

As always, time will tell but this England team has a glint in it's eye. It means business. The sprinkler dance was a one-off in Melbourne. The team refocused and kept their foot on the Australian throat. One away Ashes win does not a dynasty make but the pieces are in place for Andy Flower's team to reach the top. The batsmen have matured, the bowlers are disciplined, there are no shirkers in the field. With Strauss our captain we'll take the urn home and it may not leave for a while.

Super Mitch

2011-01-01T07:58:00.002Z

One of the finest sights in world sport is that of a fast bowler charging in to hurl a 5.5 ounce missile of leather, cork and string at speeds of more than 90mph towards a batsman standing 22 yards away. No area is off limit. The batsman has to scramble for his life, ducking, swaying and defending not knowing whether the ball will be directed at his head, chest or toes. The batsman hopes the bowler will tire quickly and lose pace and accuracy. It is about survival rather than run-scoring. The atmosphere can be akin to a bear-pit.

England fans will remember the duel between Allan Donald, South Africa’s White Lightening, and captain Michael Atherton in the Trent Bridge Test of 1998 that has attained legendary status. Atherton repelled Donald’s high speed advances with skill and no small amount of luck and courage to see England through to a famous victory. Similarly, in Ashes competition, Andrew Flintoff was cast in the role of aggressor in 2005 as he ripped out Justin Langer and Ricky Ponting to the delight of a roaring Edgbaston crowd.

For Australia the nation’s fast-bowling hopes now rest on the shoulders of Mitchell Johnson. A fast, left-arm bowler he was named the International Cricket Council’s ‘Cricketer of the Year’ in 2009. If Australia were to regain the Ashes then Johnson would have to fire.

Sadly, from an Australian perspective, Super Mitch’s performance has been abject. A total loss of control has seen deliveries sprayed either side of the England batsmen who have pounced in the manner of King Henry VIII at an all you can eat buffet. Dropped for the second Test in Adelaide Johnson rebounded in Perth to produce a game-changing spell of rapid inswing but doubts remained as to whether he actually knew how he had rediscovered his ability to bowl accurately.

Johnson’s fragile confidence and natural shyness off the field has been further eroded by the verbal shellacking he has received at the hands of the Barmy Army. With Sydney to come it will be seen whether Melbourne represented a nadir. For hours on end England’s loyal band of supporters subjected Johnson to a repetitive ear-bashing that they would have never risked dishing out to Glenn McGrath – and nor did his performances give them ammunition to.

A less than complimentary ditty sung to the tune of the Addams Family played a bit part in the Barmy Army repertoire but it was dominated by the description of Johnson’s bowling sung to the tune of Sloop John B, “He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, that man Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite”. Complete with hand movements thousands of Englishmen made their point to Johnson again and again. Even Kevin Pietersen, fielding in front of the Barmy Army, felt inclined to agree (see video).

For a man struggling to find any form, with the sun beating down and his team stuck behind the eight ball, it was the last thing that Mitchell Johnson wanted to hear. Every leg-side delivery or four was cheered mercilessly. Johnson needs to rediscover his form and fast if Australia are to re-emerge as a cricketing powerhouse.

Sprinkle Sprinkle

2010-12-30T17:44:00.003Z

It wasn’t meant to be like this. It was my third trip to the MCG and on the two previous occasions I’d arrived with England already three nil down and would leave for Sydney a few days later with us down by four. But yesterday I saw England retain the Ashes in Australia for the first time in 24 years with victory by an innings and 157 runs to take an unassailable 2-1 lead in the series.

If Carlsberg made a perfect day of cricket then for the English cricket fan Boxing Day was it. Over 84,000 people were left stunned as Australia were routed for 98 only to see England surge to lead by 59 at stumps, with all ten wickets intact. The Australian fans were silenced whilst the long-suffering but eternally optimistic Barmy Army were pinching themselves in disbelief not just at the cost of the watered down mid-strength Victoria Bitter that passed for refreshment, but at the scoreboard. That England rammed home their advantage without taking their foot off the Australian throat indicates a team that is learning to seize the moment – there are still relapses and remember that the best two Test teams in the world are currently playing elsewhere in the southern hemisphere.

Australia avoided the ignominy of losing the Boxing Day Test before the conclusion of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race but it was a close race for line honours. When Ben Hilfenhaus edged Tim Bresnan to Matt Prior before lunch on Day 4 the celebrations could start. Rarely did an England team play with such verve and focus but it is becoming an increasingly common sight. To do it against Australia in their own backyard is as rewarding as it gets.

It has been curious to observe the reaction of Australian cricket fans from the old Bay 13. Volubly critical of their own team, especially the performance and leadership of Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke, yet there is a lack of consensus of how the team should proceed. It is clearly time for change but to what? There are few obvious contenders waiting in the wings. No batsman, other than Michael Hussey, was up to the mark and he was on the verge of being dropped before the Ashes started. Despite fielding more bowling options than England there has been an absence of control and lack of penetration. The attack leader, Mitchell Johnson, was missing in action for three of the four tests and he was marmalised by both the English batsmen and the Barmy Army for hours on end at the MCG.

England have embodied a squad united by a sense of purpose, discipline and a common goal. Chris Tremlett and Tim Bresnan, who were not in the starting line-up in Brisbane emerged as game changing bowlers in their own right. The Australian replacements were not up to the mark: Philip Hughes and Steve Smith will go back to finishing school. The much vaunted Australian Cricket Academy that produced a seemingly endless conveyor belt of talent, for so long the envy of English cricket, has evidently been left unattended for too long. The Sheffield Shield, the toughest of first class finishing schools, has been reduced to a beauty pageant where any glimpse of promising talent is fast-tracked through to the national side after a handful of games.

There is much to enjoy in England’s cricket. They bowl with guile and discipline, in tandem to build pressure on batsmen by denying them width. In 2009 Justin Langer attached the label of “pussy” to James Anderson. Little did we know that Anderson would return to haunt the now current Australian batting coach in his guise as the premiere swing bowler in the world. Runs have been scored by batsmen prepared to see off the new ball and build an innings. Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott have prized their wickets in a fashion that the great accumulator, Sir Geoffrey of Boycott, would be proud to call his own. It has been the grafters rather than the dashers who have battered the Australian attack in to submission. Andrew Strauss’ captaincy has become more astute as he has grown in to the role since his appointment in January 2009. Great credit too must go to Andy Flower, a coach who has instilled a work ethic previously unseen in an England team.

For England, whilst the celebratory sprinkler dance was performed to the delight of the Barmy Army there is still work to be done. When the hangovers subside this England team will get back to work in Sydney. The management and players wouldn’t have it any other way. There is still a series to win.

Game On

2010-12-19T13:18:00.002Z

Prior to Perth there was talk of England going unbeaten through the Ashes tour for the first time in 40 years. Some of this came from the England wicketkeeper. There is nothing like a 267 run pummelling to refocus the mind. Enough of this touring squad experienced regular beatings on this scale four years ago to realise that there would be a fightback from Ponting’s men following Adelaide.

The ‘psychological edge’ was meant to be with England as Australia had been hammered by an innings. Australian cricket was in disarray. The captain and vice-captain couldn’t score a run, the meter had been running for 4 years as the nation searched for a spinner and the bowling attack could only locate the middle of English willow.

It was the return though of pace, power and swing in attack that did for England. Skittled twice for a total of 310 runs it was a confrontation with a rejuvenated Mitchell Johnson, the fastest bowler on either side, and a receptive pitch that the haymakers of Brisbane and Adelaide couldn’t cope with. Johnson showed what English players and fans alike had only heard about in dispatches. When he clicks, even if he doesn’t know how he does it, Johnson is a game changing cricketer.

The only batsman that showed the requisite skill was Mr Cricket or Mr Bloody Cricket as Michael Hussey is probably referred to in English team meetings. Andy Flower’s thinktank will unveil plan G in Melbourne following Hussey’s sixth consecutive score of more than 50. He batted like a champion, well supported by a disciplined Shane Watson.

At 69-5 on the first day an English win looked on the cards. The Ashes were there for the taking but from that point on Australia bossed the game. England’s bowlers, with the noteworthy exception of Tremlett, pitched short too often allowing runs to flow. Wickets don’t need to come only from outstanding deliveries but can be taken by two bowlers working in tandem to apply pressure. Swann was attacked from the off and unable to settle on an unhelpful pitch for him and Finn was profligate despite continuing to take wickets. Australia got away. All of Australia’s pace attack kept at the English batsmen and didn’t let up.

It is a novelty for England to head to Melbourne with anything other than pride to play for. 90,000 people will roar their support at the MCG on Boxing Day. The pitch traditionally offers assistance to spin but after the demolition job that Johnson and Ryan Harris completed it is to be expected that the groundsman will leave grass on the pitch negating Swann and playing in to the hands of Johnson. There will be tough selectorial issues for England to discuss; will the out of form Collingwood be replaced by a fourth seamer? Will Swann lose his place if the pitch is tailored radically or, most likely, will Finn pay the price for a lack of control in a team reliant on each bowler exerting control?

Lest the doom-mongers get too carried away with the Australian rebirth: Ponting and Clarke are still woefully out of form, their search for a spinner continues, Hussey will surely fail at some point and the series is level at one win apiece. Touring teams always struggle in Perth with Melbourne and Sydney historically proving far happier hunting grounds. In contrast to their predecessors this England team has good spirit and can move on with optimism having achieved much so far on this tour. It is now time for England to show that they deserve to take the Ashes home by bouncing back as winners. Happy Christmas. I’ll see you on Boxing Day.

Stop press

2010-12-17T12:03:00.004Z

Hold the back page. The kangaroo still boxes. With hostile fast-bowling, sledging and stumps flying Australia did what they used to do best and turned around the course of the 3rd Test inside two sessions of the second day.

Written off by all and sundry following his dismal showing in Brisbane and no-show at Adelaide it was Mitchell Johnson with 6 wickets that strong-armed the recovery. England collapsed to lose all their batsmen in 39 overs for 109 runs and slump to 187 all out with a deficit of 81 on first innings. On a day where Ricky Ponting woke to read the Australian press hanging his ‘rudderless rabble’ out to dry it was his fastest bowler with most to prove who stepped up to the mark. Johnson was too hot to handle, pitching the ball up, swinging it at pace and ripping out the immovable England top order. The scramble for padding in the away dressing room echoed the fortunes of their predecessors.

Johnson’s record at the WACA is an impressive 27 wickets at an average of 18. He is a bowler that likes a wicket with some grass on it. If he didn’t come good here then Andrew Hilditch’s predictably irrational selection committee would have had justifiable grounds for putting Johnson out to pasture with his less favoured venues in Melbourne and Sydney on the agenda. It was outstanding fast bowling at a time when he and the team needed it most.

Turmoil, fat ladies singing, Shane Watson as captain and tattooed players were all themes in the Australian press today. An online bookmaker has already committed to paying out on England returning home with the urn. Steve Waugh, the last Australian captain, cast doubt on the future of his successor in the team let alone continuing his run as the most successful Test captain of all time.

Whether this galvanised the Australian team or maybe they couldn’t play any worse but there was fire in their performance in the field. Verbal sparring climaxed with Siddle’s dismissal of Prior eliciting dialogue from the protagonists with Ponting also taking the chance to vent. Today Johnson supplied the actions to support his words. It made for a captivating contest between bat and ball.

Despite the predictable failures for Hughes, Ponting and Clarke some cafeteria bowling from England augmented the Australian lead to 200 by stumps. The talismanic Hussey remains in situ and can put the game beyond England in the morning. Ponting’s series total from six innings is just north of 100 runs but he will have a more comfortable ride tomorrow from his former peers who now reside as fully lunched up members of the Fourth Estate.

Grand Ole Oprah

2010-12-16T13:30:00.006Z

The Oprah Winfrey farewell roadshow was playing out east in Sydney this week. With government funding of £2.5m the aim was to boost Australian tourism but it’s a moot point, in these austere times, whether the money would have been more prudently invested in restoring the fortune of the iconic baggy green.

Out west in Perth today it was the touring Englishman that dominated another three sessions of Ashes cricket on the first day of the 3^rd Test. A display of insipid batting from the Australian top-order was compounded by the now customary display of inspired English fielding.

If everything that Andrew Strauss touches turns to gold then the opposite is true for Ricky Ponting. In came Steve Smith and the recalled Phil Hughes to bring some “humour” to the entrenched squad. It can be assumed that Ponting was also hoping for an improvement on a combined total of 9 runs. Mitchell Johnson, supposedly rested from the 2^nd Test, did show fight with the bat to top score but it will be his bowling that determines whether he is worthy of a place in the team. Sledging Strauss at the end of the day was not done from a position of strength.

Chris Tremlett deputised for the injured Stuart Broad and was England’s standout performer marrying 3 wickets to a miserly economy rate. The jet-lagged Jimmy Anderson, fresh from attending the birth of his daughter in England, only required a stretch after taking a catch and 3 wickets. For all the pre-match fighting talk the Australian batting performance was again well below par. In these run-drunk days of Twenty20 and flat pitches the Australian batsmen have forgotten the discipline of making tough runs and putting a prize on their wicket. Ponting’s dismissal at least will again be attributed to a stunning piece of fielding at a time when the captain needed to post a score. This was not Gary Pratt or Andrew Flintoff with a run out but Paul Collingwood MBE leaping and twisting to take a one-handed catch when the ball was well past fielding mortals.

Not since the days of Allan Border will an Australian captain’s legacy be defined by the Ashes as much as Ponting’s will be. To lose three series to England would be considered worthy by many sages of deportation to Van Diemen’s Land. Fortunately for Ponting he already has his home there.

England have the upper hand in the series. For Duncan Fletcher though it seems that the memory of coaching England to defeat in 9 of the last 10 Tests that England played in Australia is no longer raw. “My feelings on the third Test are split. As an ex-coach of the team I want to see England retain the Ashes. But a draw would surely be the better result for the sport. It is crucial for the health of Test cricket that this series holds the interest of the public.” I’ve not been able to find any England cricket fans that invested their hard earned money following the tours of 2002 and 2006 hoping for a draw in this Test. With 24 years since the last English series success on Australian soil the public is very much aware of the story bubbling down under.

The host broadcaster, Channel 9, are running their traditional classic catch competition and whilst the producers scrape around for Australian catches to feature – just 8 after 2 Tests – it is more concerning for the state of the game that the prize is a year of free Kentucky Fried Chicken. Whilst Oprah gives with one hand Colonel Sanders takes with the other.

Run-out of town

2009-08-24T02:41:00.002+01:00

Down amongst the dust of The Oval under a deep blue sky and in front of a partisan crowd England regained the Ashes from a chastened Australia with a 197 run win to take the series 2-1. Don’t let the hyperbole of the television commentary team fool you; this wasn’t vintage cricket in terms of sustained quality but it was predictable only in its unpredictability. Momentum counted for little as both teams struggled to run with the hounds throughout the course of the series. That won’t matter to Andrew Strauss or his team, “when we were bad we were very bad and when we were good we managed to be good enough.” All that matters is that the little urn is back in English hands.

Strauss deserves great credit for leading an erratic England team to an Ashes win. He cajoled and inspired his side to win the key contests throughout the series, topped the list of overall run-scorers and ensured that the intensity of captaining the side didn’t affect his game. Occasional accusations of conservatism are levelled at Strauss but it may be because when he sees his team in the dressing room he doesn’t know if it will be Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde that takes to the pitch. If a composite side of the two teams was to be compiled then it is only Strauss that would make the top five.

It is safe assumption to make that Ricky Ponting has had enough of The Oval. Now the scene of two chastening series defeats as captain he ended with a bloodied mouth, a bruised ego and provided the great national hero with a last highlight for his show-reel. Ponting batted with intense determination, great application and produced a technically brilliant innings as he found a strong ally in building a 127 run partnership with Mike Hussey.

Creaking in the outfield, WD40 can no longer sustain Andrew Flintoff and the big unit finally looked like he was playing his last Test match. Ponting, caught ball-watching slightly as Hussey tipped and ran, was aghast as Flintoff hurled the 5.5 ounces of red leather towards the stumps with brute force. Ponting was a foot short by the time the missile located its target. Wide brimmed white floppy hat on his head, arms aloft, motionless save for chewing gum Flintoff stood admiring the destruction of the stumps and Australia’s dreams. Ponting remained, head bowed, unable to comprehend that he had been dismissed in such a fashion, again. If being run-out once at a pivotal moment is foolish then to do it twice is careless. Unlike the Fourth Test in 2005 this time there were no recriminatory gestures to the England balcony as Ponting returned to the dressing room to applause from the crowd. If Trent Bridge was Gary Pratt’s finest hour then this was just another career-defining moment for Andrew Flintoff. If a certain lager company made cricketers then they’d make them like big Fred.

As Michael Clarke quickly became Australia’s second run-out victim of the summer the stage was left to Hussey to try and save not just his country but potentially his career too. Overcoming a nervous start and a hitherto disastrous tour Hussey compiled his first century in 29 innings and like Matthew Hayden in 2005 and Mark Taylor in 1997 it is likely that a battling Ashes century will have saved his career. Only when Hussey prodded forward and popped a catch up to Alistair Cook at short-leg to become the twentieth Australian wicket of the match could England supporters and players breathe a sigh of relief. This time there will be no parade through the streets of London or drunken shenanigans in Downing Street but a sigh of relief at a job well done as the Australians have been run-out of town.

Blood on the baggy green

2009-08-23T15:08:00.012+01:00

Dean Jones may have it right when he says that people thought the Titanic unsinkable, the four minute mile unobtainable and that you think you can never win the lottery but there is absolutely no chance of Australia escaping the Fifth Test without defeat. Is this a sign of the pessimism within Australian minds or realism based on the fact that 546 has never before been chased down in the history of the first-class game? With Wisden on England’s side you would have thought that the odds on an Australian win would have been more generous than the 10/3 on offer. I’m sure that your local sub-continental bookmaker would give you better value on this great escape.

The star from an England perspective on the third day was the latest player off the conveyor belt marked South African talent; Jonathan Trott. The England selectors ignored the calls to resuscitate Mark Ramprakash’s international career, bring Rob Key back in from the poker table or Marcus Trescothick from the peace that he has found in Taunton. Instead they went for the next cab off the rank and have been richly rewarded. Demonstrating a level of composure and technique completely absent in the hapless Bopara’s efforts Trott should have batted both Australia out of the game and himself on to the plane for England’s tour to South Africa over the winter. It is there that he will play against the man that his game partly resembles; Jacques Kallis. If Trott can be half the player that Kallis is, and as he doesn’t bowl that’s the most he can be, then England will be happy. He has displayed the touch of a veteran in his two innings to date.

One man who didn’t enjoy the third day at the Test was Ricky Ponting. When he planned this campaign at Cricket Australia’s headquarters he did it with the singular goal of returning with the Ashes. Never in his worst nightmare would Ponting have envisaged being the only Australian captain to lose two overseas Ashes series. He stood in the outfield yesterday watching as the cafeteria bowling served up by his attack was tucked in to by the England lower order. If the mental anguish wasn’t enough then it was accompanied by physical pain too as Matt Prior drove a ball that Ponting fielded with his unguarded face only yards from the bat - http://www.cricketcrowd.com/Play_Video-23-2520-1418.html. As he left the pitch spitting blood it was another unwelcome reminder of 2005 when Steve Harmison drew blood and scarred Ponting under his right eye. A tough man, Ponting beat the count with ease and will be drawing on all his expertise to ensure that Australia make England sweat for the win.

If Trott dominated proceedings in the middle then the star of the show off the pitch was singer/song-writer Lily Allen who proved herself an occasionally knowledgeable but always entertaining guest for Jonathan Agnew to interview on TMS. Arriving without entourage, makeup or ego lunch was cancelled for the likes of Tuffers, CMJ and the rest of the crew as Allen confirmed herself as a cricketing purist. She stated a preference for Test cricket over Twenty20 and made calls for a return to the traditional cream cricket whites and even the introduction of a ‘baggy blue’ for the England players. Everyone apart from Ponting was smiling in London town.

Broad shoulders the burden

2009-08-22T03:01:00.003+01:00

To English fans it felt longer, a lot longer but it was in fact only a six year period that separated Ian Botham’s last Test match appearance in 1992 from Andrew Flintoff’s first. The holy grail for a cricket team is to be able to include an all-rounder capable of deciding a game with either bat or ball. Alongside Jacques Kallis and the unconventionally brilliant Adam Gilchrist it was Flintoff that completed the triumvirate of the next generation to follow Botham, Imran Khan, Kapil Dev and Richard Hadlee. Whilst all England fretted over the end of the talismanic Flintoff’s career they did not expect Friday at the Oval to confirm the growth from fawn to stag of Stuart Broad. Whisper it quietly no longer; he is the complete package.

It’s easy to criticise an English cricketer and many have criticised Broad for his propensity to deliver four-balls and a lack of wickets. However, he is a young intelligent cricketer who works hard at his game. He bats classically, he fields athletically and now he has started to bowl accurately and with cunning. It was a hard apprenticeship served running in on flat pitches in India and the West Indies for little reward. However, when England has needed a hero to produce a career-defining performance at the death it was Broad that stepped up to deliver a spell of bowling of 5-37 that left England shocked and Australia pole-axed.

For almost the first time in his Test career Broad performed the accurate impersonation of Glenn McGrath that supporters have been calling for. It has been ignored that at the age of 23 Broad is playing his 21st Test; at the same age McGrath was yet to make his debut for Australia. Too much too soon is expected of talented young players thrown in to the crucibles of Test cricket and the media spotlight. Give Broad a chance to spread his wings and grow in to his art as a bowler. Then he will feel equipped to shoulder the burden of the attack as McGrath once did for 13 distinguished years.

The Oval pitch has come in for criticism as being a ‘result pitch’. This is no bad thing yet it has not been doctored to favour England. Yes, England won the toss and made first use of the strip – it could have been Australia that won the toss and elected to bat. Yes, England picked a front-line spinner to take advantage of the turn and bounce that the Oval offers – Australia could have done likewise. The 23 wickets that have fallen in two days have owed more to poor umpiring decisions, disciplined bowling and poor batting than demons in the pitch.

A lead of 230 runs with 7 wickets in hand places England firmly in the driving seat at the end of day two but the Ashes aren’t regained yet. As the twists and turns in this series have made many cricket writers sound less knowledgeable than even Kerry Katona on a daytime television show your correspondent will not be making any predictions. Suffice to say that it’s not the first but the twentieth wicket that is the hardest to take and the Australians will fight until the end.

Viva Espana

2009-08-22T02:57:00.003+01:00

And so we arrive at the denouement. From reading the cricket press in the aftermath of the red rose capitulation at Headingley one would not realise that honours stand even in this Ashes series. Of course England need to win at the Oval to regain the little urn but given this scenario before a ball had been bowled they would no doubt have seized the opportunity quicker than Usain Bolt in a hurry. If you’re an England player it’s a rare thing to arrive at the Fifth Test with something other than ‘honour’ to play for.

In terms of the quality of the cricket no valid comparison can be made between this series and ‘that one’ four years that entered the 75th scheduled session of play with both teams still tussling for supremacy. That this series could climax in the same way owes more to the unerring ability of both teams to stumble in sight of the finishing line rather than pummel each other to a standstill.

On that 5th day at the Oval in 2005 it was Kevin Pietersen, playing his fifth Test, who seized the moment aided and abetted by Ashley Giles. Nothing could stop them recording their highest Test scores but time stops for no man and this time around Pietersen is recuperating following an operation on his Achilles heel whilst the ‘King of Spain’ now meddles in selectorial affairs. As with every final Test of a series it is time to pay tribute to those touring players participating in their last matches in England. Retrospectively we add Brett Lee to the ranks of Warne and McGrath, Langer and Hayden, Martyn and Gilchrist who made the Oval in 2005 their last English Ashes Test.

A fit Brett Lee in cahoots with a rejuvenated Mitchell Johnson would have enjoyed putting the wind up a rickety England but Lee’s series has been holed below the waterline by injury. Ricky Ponting is nearing 35 and it is realistic to assume that he will not be captaining the side on these shores on the next visit, having most likely, passed the baton on to Michael Clarke. Ponting has been cast as a pantomime villain by the English press but it is to be hoped that the crowd at the Oval give him the respectful send off that he deserves as one of the true greats of the game.

In case you’d forgotten Andrew Flintoff will be making his last test appearance not just here but anywhere before he retires to the land of curry, quick runs and four over bowling spells. You can be sure that he will be straining whatever ligaments are left in his body to cast himself as the main act in his final script. You don’t need to be a bookmaker lurking around a hotel bar full of cricket players to know that the fortunes of both Flintoff and Ponting will be instrumental in determining the fate of their respective teams.

Four years ago Andrew Strauss was an England centurion in the first innings at the Oval. This series he is captain and England’s sole centurion in four matches. Without the company of Vaughan, Trescothick and Pietersen there is an absence of quality and experience to support him but Strauss has coped manfully with the captaincy and also managed to successfully overhaul his batting technique since his disastrous series down-under in 2006/07. Strauss has come of age.

It isn’t just inside the boundary ropes that we see the passing of time and Richie Benaud will be appearing on English television for the last time in his spot on Channel Five’s highlights show. He will step down from all commentary commitments later this year. Old father time will catch up with all of us, even Richie. Let us look forward to five days of memorable competition that we hope will produce a climax to live in the memory for four years and hopefully longer.

The bad old days

2009-08-08T04:49:00.001+01:00

Mark Butcher and Andy Caddick announced their retirements from cricket this week. Unfortunate to represent England through the peak of Australian cricketing dominance in the 1990s and early 2000s they enjoyed precious few highlights from their various Ashes campaigns. In fact they suffered a few days similar to the first day at Headingley including being part of the England side that capitulated for 77 at Lords in 1997. Then the tormentor-in-chief was a human metronome by the name of Glenn McGrath who bowled with unwavering accuracy to pick up eight wickets. Today the perpetrator of the old fashioned disciplines of line and length was Stuart Clark.

England have had the good luck to come up against an Australian bowling attack this series whose performance could at best have been described as ragged. Fortunately for Ricky Ponting’s troops the English batsmen have demonstrated the collective resolve of Jerry mouse trying to cure his addiction to cheese; just one more nibble. England were already in trouble but it was the introduction of Clark at first change who reminded them of McGrath, their great nemesis. Supported by some excellent bowling from his cohorts it was Clark who crippled a leaden middle order by starving them of run scoring opportunities. It was left to Peter Siddle to kick away the crutches from this English patient. Painful to watch as an Englishman it was still reaffirming to see a rare outbreak of high class controlled cricket.

The loss of one talisman may be described as careless; to lose two could be described as foolish. Andrew Strauss has not been helped by the absence of first Kevin Pietersen and now Andrew Flintoff who looks increasingly likely to have played his final test wicketless. The absence of the two best players in the England team is one thing but the failure of the remainder to stand up and be counted is more concerning. Bopara, Bell and Collingwood are one of the least inspiring trios of batsmen in English Test history.

Stuck to the crease, body doing one thing, mind presumably doing another; a malaise has afflicted the middle order for which there is no apparent instant cure. The unfortunate trio have given the impression of leaving their bats in the locker room and arriving at the crease armed with sticks of rhubarb. Bell’s trials are well documented, Collingwood will back himself in to a corner and play another career saving innings and Bopara is busy proving what we all know; that he is not a Test match number three. His three centuries are the blip on a Test CV that has yielded only another 157 runs and no other scores above 50 in 11 further innings.

If the batting was bad then the bowling was abject and Andrew Strauss was left to fume at slip as his bowlers ignored everything that they had seen demonstrated so expertly by Australia. Incidentally, that Test match at Lords in 1997 ended in a draw thanks to the rain. There is little chance of the elements saving England this time and neither do they deserve it on the evidence of the first 80 overs at Headingley. No doubt it will be left to Bob Willis and Sir Ian, in the Sky commentary box, to try and drum up the viewers’ interest with tales of Headingley, 1981 and the good old days. If they have any sense then Butcher and Caddick will have turned the television off.

The curious case of Clarke, G

2009-08-08T04:42:00.004+01:00

As the Third Test petered out to a draw, thanks in no small measure to Michael Clarke’s effortless brilliance with the bat, then the stage was clear for Giles Clarke, Chairman of the ECB, to set the agenda for the lead up to Headingley’s Fourth Test and divert attention from the tedious story of Flintoff’s knee. Clarke’s considered opinion was that the English fans, specifically the Barmy Army, should stop booing Ricky Ponting, the Australian captain, when he walks out to bat. Not for the first time in his tenure as the occupier of the most powerful position in English cricket has Clarke missed the point.

Every couple of years the Ashes series is hailed as the saviour of Test cricket. It is the clash between the old enemies that will determine the very survival of a game that has been played more or less unchanged from its current form for over 130 years. It is true that we are fortunate in England that Test cricket is played to packed houses. There are strong attendances in Australia but little popular support elsewhere unless the Barmy Army are in town. England’s most loyal cricket supporters are a long suffering collective but they are not responsible for the survival of Test cricket; that is unfortunately down to the administrators.

Ticket prices have adopted a Zimbabwean rate of inflation in recent years prohibiting families from attending, flags and instruments are banned but alcohol is fine (as long as you’re only buying it from the official caterers inside the ground). Having suffered the indignity of following a generally miserable cricket team around the world for the last 15 years the last thing that the Barmy Army warrants is to be told to show “respect and courtesy” to one of the legends of the game. This from a man who was only too eager to demonstrate his unique take on respect and courtesy for the game by entering English cricket in to a business relationship with the ludicrously egotistical ‘Sir’ Allen Stanford. Clarke didn’t bat an eyelid when Stanford landed in his helicopter on the Nursery Ground at Lords and he probably only raised an eyebrow when Stanford was subsequently charged in relation to a $9 billion fraud.

Of course it would be more polite, more refined and more English not to boo Ponting to the wicket but Clarke has failed to appreciate the pantomime attached to the moment with Ponting cast as villain. In an Australian team shorn of characters he stands out as the most recognisable foe. Ponting has frequently gone on record saying that he enjoys the company of the Barmy Army and again spoke up on hearing of Clarke’s comments, “I'm told that some people have been upset about the fact that some English fans were booing me, but I thought it was a terrific atmosphere to play in, and I loved every minute.” For the record, the Edgbaston crowd stood and applauded as Ponting passed Allan Border’s record as top Australian run-scorer.

The inconsistency of Clarke’s comments are further magnified when set against the unedifying backdrop of that other great goose chase of these cricketing times; Twenty20. Supposedly this is all about energising the youth of today, attracting new spectators and creating a carnival atmosphere which includes playing music. These are all the ingredients that the ECB and the ICC seem intent on driving away from Test cricket.

A last stand

2009-08-03T04:22:00.005+01:00

Following a hectic and enthralling fourth day Australia will begin the final three sessions at Edgbaston 25 runs behind England and with 8 second innings wickets in hand. It is time for the new Australia to stand up and be counted if they are not to go two down with two to play.

Although their captain Ricky Ponting is already back in the hutch the baggy greens should be able to draw inspiration from the England rearguard action in the First Test. In Cardiff Andrew Strauss was dismissed at the end of the fourth day and England entered the last day trailing by over two hundred runs but also with 8 second innings wickets remaining. Scoring at a moderate rate of 100 runs per session will give Australia a lead of 180 at tea and batting on afterwards should secure them the draw.

All that’s needed is someone with the grit and resolve to play the Paul Collingwood role. It’s time for Michael Hussey and Michael Clarke to show their class. Without a Test century in 15 matches Hussey is in the middle of a lean spell which has seen his average plummet from a near Bradmanesque 80 at the beginning of 2008 to a more mortal 55. He will hope that the good fortune that allowed him to survive a king pair off Graham Onions yesterday will enable him to prove his critics wrong. If it’s not Hussey that guides Australia to safety then it’s likely that it will be Clarke. He fought hard at Lords with a classy century in a rearguard action only to be undone by the fire of Andrew Flintoff. A similar show of resilience will be required at the Bull Ring from the second best bladesman in Australia.

For England it is uncertain how much of a role Flintoff will play. Clearly struggling with his injured knee it would be appreciated if his designated replacement as all-rounder, Stuart Broad, could bring some wickets to the party. Undoubtedly talented Broad remains an enigma to which the code has not yet been cracked – certainly with regards to his bowling. Broad was though, along with his relatively inexperienced cohorts in Swann, Onions and Anderson, chief enforcer when it came to engaging in some lively verbal exchanges with the Australians, notably Mitchell Johnson. Undoubtedly this is not a scenario that would have happened if Warne and McGrath had been in situ.

Jimmy Anderson and Monty Panesar’s rearguard action at Cardiff has provoked a remarkable turnaround in the fortunes of the two teams in this series. Allan Border, the man who forged Australia’s modern cricketing identity, will no doubt be watching to see if Australia still possess the mettle that for nigh on 20 years no one doubted that they had. Today we will learn the answer.

An English summer

2009-08-03T03:23:00.002+01:00

Aside from an old-fashioned display of swing bowling by Jimmy Anderson and Graham Onions which decimated Australia’s first innings the most notable confrontation in the first three rain-affected days of the Third Test took place on the other side of the boundary rope up in the ‘potting shed’. Not just any old potting shed but the affectionate name of the commentary box perched on top of the pavilion and home to Test Match Special at Edgbaston.

In this age of media bombardment there are a multitude of options available for those who want to follow live cricket ranging from Sky’s generally excellent but hyperbolic television coverage to various ‘ball-by-ball’ and ‘over-by-over’ statistical and text commentaries of dubious quality. However it is the radio commentary provided by the BBC’s Test Match Special team that continues to set the standard for the serious cricket fan and has done for over half a century.

TMS has been home to some of sport’s greatest wordsmiths-cum-commentators over the years in John Arlott, Don Mosey and Brian Johnston but rarely can the venerable institution have witnessed such a confrontation between two of its own summarisers. Geoffrey Boycott, the irascible representative from the people’s republic of Yorkshire, and the barrel-chested Queenslander making his debut, Matthew Hayden. Boycott took offence to Hayden’s comment that his dour and frequently self-centred batting style had “emptied cricket grounds”. Boycott stormed from the potting shed and responded, “I don't need comments like that at my stage. I felt it was totally inappropriate.” With Hayden’s offer of making up over a beer rejected by the tee-total Boycott it was a rambunctious start to the Test.

Boycott had no doubt erased from his selective memory long ago a comment from another Yorkshire and England great, Fred Trueman, who recalled “If Geoffrey had played cricket the way he talked he would have had people queuing up to get into the ground instead of queuing up to leave.”

Some of my fondest memories of cricket have not been from attending games but listening to overseas editions of TMS. As I grew to appreciate cricket in my early teenage years I would lie curled up under the duvet with headphones on listening through the night convinced that if I remained absolutely still then Bruce Reid’s body may fall apart before he reached the popping crease. It didn’t and he destroyed England in 1991. I recall also a talented twin scoring an effortless century on debut at Adelaide that year; Mark Waugh was his name.

Of course it’s not just the expertly described action on the cricket field that endears TMS to its legions of followers but the irreverence of the conversation in the commentary box. Armed with anecdotes from Test to village cricket matches, supplemented by interviews with renowned cricket lovers from other fields and fuelled by chocolate cake sent in by the listeners TMS is in rude health. Senior commentators Jonathan Agnew and Christopher Martin-Jenkins command respect in the manner that the Speaker of the House could only yearn for.

Recent criticism of TMS from some sections of a self-serving media for ‘dumbing-down’ coverage and daring to reach out to new listeners by embracing new technology is churlish and mis-placed. A voice of calm, reasoned opinion in an increasingly fractured game, TMS remains, like the sight of strawberries and cream at Wimbledon and bacon and egg at Lords one of the sounds of a quintessentially English summer.

Storm clouds gathering

2009-07-30T11:19:00.003+01:00

In April that national barometer of depression, the Met Office, predicted a ‘barbecue summer’ in the UK. At the same time, most considered cricketing opinion regarded England as the snag on that barbecue and any one of sixteen touring Australians taking it in turns to man the tongs. Fast forward three months and the Met Office has revised their forecast downwards – it’s officially umbrella time. If that was predictable then the cricket has been anything but. With the Third Test due to start today – weather permitting – England finds itself in the surprising position of being one up with three to play which still leaves plenty of time to revert to type and assume their traditional supine position when facing Australia.

With the quality of cricket during the first two matches generally poor and with both sides rarely playing at the top of their game simultaneously then happily the series has not lacked in excitement. However, it is the absence of the personalities from the last contest that are being missed the most, having retired to stud - or so all of Australia hopes. So confident is Andrew Strauss that he stated publicly that he thinks Australia have lost their aura – and he’s right. Fine players all, the new wearers of the baggy green do not possess the cricketing CVs of their predecessors - yet.

Mitchell Johnson arrived in England as an Aussie champion; the leader of the attack who had taken more than twice as many Test wickets as any other Australian in the last year. In his first two Ashes Test matches Johnson has bowled so poorly that he has given pie-throwers a bad name.

Phil Hughes arrived on these shores with even more hyperbole due to the brilliant start he had made to his Test career against South Africa. His natural tendency of backing away to leg was part of the genius of his game and seemingly enabled him to crash almost any ball to the offside boundary. Three innings later the backing away to leg is now seen as a sign of mental and technical weakness as Hughes runs scared from the short ball.

To watch the wheel-nuts working themselves loose on a cricket team is never a wholly pleasant experience, even if it is Australia in need of a wrench. Standing in the middle of an arena for six hours a day being heckled by a raucous crowd of 20,000 as you struggle to rediscover the secret to your success is not a scenario that you or I have had the pleasure of confronting as we earn our corn. Unlike the genteel crowd at Lords, the spectators at Edgbaston will need no invitation to barrack Johnson and Hughes. There is no hiding place either in the outfield or behind one of the Australian legends of yesteryear.

If Matthew Hayden or Justin Langer had been his partner and mentor then would Phil Hughes, just 20, have started the series more confidently? If Glenn McGrath had been opening the bowling would Mitchell Johnson have discovered his rhythm? Truly great players don’t just score runs or take wickets as if they’re shelling peas but they occupy the media and crowd’s attention. They enable junior players to come in to a team and learn the ropes without the pressure of being exposed to the full glare of publicity. Johnson and Hughes have suffered so far on this tour but both are made of stern stuff and just like the weather forecast, you wouldn’t bet against them turning it round if given the chance.

The groundsman may have described the Edgbaston pitch as ‘jelly’ but this match need not end in the widely forecast draw. The English batting remains too carefree and indisciplined to bat Australia out of a game. The suggestion being that if Stuart Clark is picked - and surely he must be if the Australian selectors are on the ball - and can bring the unfashionable disciplines of line and length back to the Australian attack then they will be in with a shout. England can’t rely on Flintoff’s heroics to inspire them in every round against Australia so we may just need some of that rain to lend a hand and save us too. Umbrellas up.

Champions for the Ages

2009-07-22T02:26:00.005+01:00

You can’t keep a good man down and Andrew Flintoff demonstrated again at Lords on Monday that he is far more than that with a brutal display of the art of fast bowling that clinched victory for England in the Second Test. When he declared last week that this Test series would be his last the British media rushed to evaluate Flintoff’s position in the pantheon of cricketers. Would he be remembered as a cricketing great?

With a bowling average marginally to the north of his batting average those that swear by statistics are adamant that Flintoff will not be remembered as a great. Fortunately players are not judged merely by statistics but through their contribution to the game and the bigger the game the bigger the contribution from Flintoff.

If the majority of the current Australian team were cowering behind the couch when Flintoff took the 2005 Ashes battle to the likes of Langer, Hayden, Gilchrist, Gillespie, McGrath and Warne not to mention Ponting, Clarke and Lee then they had the fortune to have a front row seat in the shooting gallery this time round. They would have heard rumours that he’d lost his effectiveness. They would have known that he was injury plagued and that his body could no longer adequately support his burning ambition. They thought they had him cornered in Cardiff but at the home of cricket it was Flintoff that wrote the script as only a great player can.

There are fast bowlers that are naggingly accurate, some that are seriously quick but none that currently play the game and only a select few before who have been able to combine the accuracy, pace and sheer outright hostility that Flintoff possesses. To have those attributes is one thing but to harness them repeatedly on the biggest stage of all and to affect the course of a game in its final throes is what elevates Flintoff to the category of greatness in his field.

A curious thing happened as the England team were welcomed off the pitch back in to the Long Room. Ricky Ponting, a cricketer with a less than spotless reputation for sportsmanship, had already given a balanced on-pitch interview when he appeared to bow down to Flintoff as he entered the Long Room ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glegJFgXUBc). Of course he may just have been adjusting the trip-wire for the big man but in an admirable display of sportsmanship Ponting went on to shake every England player’s hand. Conduct in defeat as well as in victory is the mark of a great sportsman.

Be certain though, Flintoff didn’t win this test on his own; the cornerstone of victory was an outstanding opening partnership between Strauss and Cook that set the tone for the match, followed up by exemplary swing bowling from Anderson and rounded off by Flintoff. However, the ability to hold the crowd in the palm of one hand and gladiatorally hurl the red leather ball at 93mph with the other is one of the great sights in world sport. Let’s enjoy Andrew Flintoff, this champion for the ages, whilst we still can for the remainder of the summer.

Pokerface

2009-07-20T12:48:00.008+01:00

In the Sky commentary box on Day Three there was a frisson of excitement as Andrew Strauss elected not to enforce the follow-on after Australia were bowled out for a first innings score of 215. The buzz was coming from Shane Warne who was in no doubt that Ricky Ponting and his beleaguered team would be sitting in the dressing room re-energised that they had been offered an olive branch by Strauss and an escape route from a probable defeat. It wouldn’t be the first time that Warne had used some cod psychology where the Poms were concerned.

Granted, the Australian bowling attack again did their best to coax the England middle order back in to form but Australia knew that batting last at Lords would hold no demons if the lessons of history were to repeat and the pitch flatten out. In 2008 England could only take three wickets as South Africa followed on and ran up 393 in 167 overs to see out the draw. This coupled with Australia’s inability to gift England Ashes wins and the Poms tendency to freeze at the prospect of winning a live match will ensure more than the odd butterfly in the stomachs of England fans as they wake up this Monday morning. Australia need an improbable but not entirely out of the question 209 further runs to win with five wickets in hand.

In a judicious PR move by the England management they sent Graeme Swann out to do the media rounds at the end of the fourth day. An ebullient character he sent out a confident message, “We still have a new ball with Andrew Flintoff roaring in at 90mph and James Anderson swinging it at the other end." He’s right, as so many times before much will depend on Flintoff, in possibly his last Test, pounding in with a ball only six overs old.

It’s not just in the Sky commentary box that Warne has been getting excited. In their effort to bring you the very best live sport from around the world - or rather that which they have bought the rights to - Sky now fill their late night schedules with poker and what more imaginative idea during the Ashes than to broadcast ‘Poker Ashes’. I know little about poker but I do know that Shane Warne, famed for sowing more than a few seeds of doubt in to the minds of batsmen, was also fond of chatting to bookmakers about cricket and indulging in a spot of extra-marital poke-her. He sounded like an inspired choice to be team captain.

Accompanying Warne were fellow legends Dean Jones and Jeff Thomson. Jones was taking this particularly seriously. You could tell because he was wearing sunglasses and the same zinc cream over his lips that I saw him wearing as he raced round the boundary for Derbyshire against Middlesex on an overcast day in Uxbridge many moons ago. At least Thomson wouldn’t start his run up from by the slot machines, or would he?

It’s not immediately obvious who was on the selection committee for the England Poker Ashes team – possibly the same selectors who were responsible for calling up 28 players during the 1990’s who made less than 5 appearances for England. Sure enough if watching Min Patel take one wicket in his two test career was enthralling then I hoped that he’d been saving himself for this moment. England’s team was captained by that man for all gimmicky programs, Darren Gough. Whether it’s splashing about in a pool of water wearing lycra or dancing the American Smooth then Gough’s your man. Shoring up the middle order was Rob Key, the current Kent captain, who clearly sees more of a future for himself in poker rather than cricket.

As it turned out the Poms were predictably dispatched faster than a Mitchell Johnson long-hop to the cover boundary as the Australians established an unassailable 3-1 lead. Warne, relishing the chance to captain an Australian team for once in his career, was delighted, ‘The boys played really well. I’m really happy with it.’ We’ll see if Warne can keep that pokerface on as he returns to the commentary box to witness what will be another day of high stakes Ashes cricket.

The Seventh Day Wonder

2009-07-18T02:33:00.008+01:00

And on the seventh day a bowling attack arrived. We’ve had to sit through four innings and six days of this series before being rewarded for our patience with a dose of quality; a team bowling effort of concerted accuracy, sustained hostility and the exemplary execution of a plan. That it came from the England attack should not be a surprise; that the Australian batsmen succumbed in the fashion that they did, five were out playing cross batted shots, was the surprise.

As a collective unit the Australians didn’t adapt to the conditions and their total of 156/8 was the most they deserved. The ball was swinging under heavy cloud cover, the pitch carried more pace and bounce and most importantly of all England were on the money. Australia batted as if they were here to participate in a beer match. Whereas Mitchell Johnson had led the Australian attack with all the unpredictability of Andrew Flintoff steering a pedalo the totemic Lancastrian bowled with maximum hostility and customary control. Flintoff’s staggering record of only three 5 wicket hauls in his first-class career is the result not just of his back of a length bowling but of the pressure that he creates at one end to enable cheap wickets to fall at the other as batsmen relax. Once again he acted as the foil for the deserving Jimmy Anderson to rip out Hughes, Ponting, Clarke and North for a sum total of seven runs. If Anderson has been under-rated by the Australians before this series then they now know that they are dealing with a bowler who in the right conditions knows his game better than most.

Dean Jones, a brilliantly talented batsman and fielder, bridged the gap between the last time Australia were this poor (in the mid 1980s if you’re wondering) to the start of their emergence as the cricketing superpower in the early 1990s. He now spends his time passing off hyperbole as punditry and can also be found on Sky’s latest contribution to wallpaper television, ‘The Poker Ashes’. From a punditry perspective Deano’s not having the best of Ashes series; “I think (this) is the flattest batting track I have seen in ten years. Now if England are going to produce these type of pitches for the rest of the series the game will be hurt. This is not the type of pitch that we’ll be happy with. I can’t see Australia being dismissed out on this flat pitch.”

The omens don’t look good for Australia; Ricky Ponting is in grumpy gnome mode, Nathan Hauritz is recovering from a dislocated finger, Peter Siddle is struggling with a virus. Brad Haddin admitted on the first day that “The occasion at Lords got to a few of us. We probably tried a bit too hard early.” You can’t imagine Adam Gilchrist or Ian Healy admitting that – not until their biography anyway. Haddin was distracted again towards the end of play allowing himself to be preoccupied by trying to persuade the umpires to abandon play for the day – shortly after another futile conversation he was out mis-timing a pull when he should have been playing for stumps.

If the eighth day goes the way of the seventh Australia may need divine intervention but with periodic rain forecast for the remainder of the match they may just get it. It will need a more resilient and focused batting effort second time around but the baggy greens will do well to heed the lesson of Lords three years ago when Sri Lanka followed-on 359 runs behind after lunch on the third day and batted out 199 overs to draw the undrawable test. For England the message is clear too: they must clean up the tail and go for the jugular before the pitch slows up.

England: another opportunity missed

2009-07-17T01:52:00.002+01:00

To paraphrase an eminent politician; ‘The England cricket team never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity’. In the aftermath of the First Ashes Test in Cardiff and after England snatched a draw from the jaws of a sixth consecutive defeat to Australia, the England coach Andy Flower had tried to put a positive spin on events and spoke of the lessons learnt and the positives that his side would take forward to Lords.

Few listened to Flower’s comments because of the storm in a tea-cup inspired by England’s naive choice of delaying tactics as the First Test came to the boil. The post-match debate raged around the ‘spirit of the game’, mystifyingly championed by Ricky Ponting who in an online poll in the Sydney based Daily Telegraph in January 2008 inspired 83% of the respondents to say that the brawler from Tasmania was not a good ambassador for the game and that 79% felt that the Australian team did not play in the ‘true spirit of the game’.

Let’s not kid ourselves here; the reality was that there were no positives to take from Cardiff for this England team. Out-bowled and out-batted England made first use of a flat track and mustered a first innings score that was soon put in to perspective by Australia against a toothless attack unable to build any pressure. Yes, it might be what passes for management speak in these days of media sound bites but for Andy Flower to talk of positives to be taken from the game was disingenuous and insulted the intelligence of the cricket supporting public. Furthermore The Ashes is not the place to learn lessons; it remains the pinnacle of cricket in both England and Australia and not the place to dot the i’s and cross the t’s in your game.

Fast forward to the first day at Lords and it’s clear that few of England’s batsmen have heeded Flower’s call to arms. Winning the toss and batting first Australia’s attack can rarely have been made to look so porous. To concede over 300 runs on the first day in successive Tests is no fluke; 364/6 coming off the back of 336/7 in Cardiff. This Australian attack is threadbare.

Reduced to two performing front line bowlers in the resilient Siddle and the impressive Hilfenhaus there were overthrows, byes, long-hops and half-volleys galore. Ricky Ponting’s gimlet eyes narrowed yet further and one wondered if he would shut them completely and cast his mind back to the days when he could throw the ball to the living legends of Warne and McGrath. Only Punter didn’t need to worry too much because he knows that this England side are incapable of learning on the job. Time and again the middle order have disintegrated and as at Cardiff there was a lack of basic technique and application required in the five day format.

Andrew Strauss must despair that after carrying his bat for a magnificent 161 his partners have again let him down. Whilst he may have been diplomatic to the press let us hope that he did not mince his words in the dressing room. Of course, you should never judge a Test match until both sides have batted but on a placid pitch against this attack it’s another opportunity missed by England to put an imposing score on the board and put Australia out of the game.