The bad old days

Mark Butcher and Andy Caddick announced their retirements from cricket this week. Unfortunate to represent England through the peak of Australian cricketing dominance in the 1990s and early 2000s they enjoyed precious few highlights from their various Ashes campaigns. In fact they suffered a few days similar to the first day at Headingley including being part of the England side that capitulated for 77 at Lords in 1997. Then the tormentor-in-chief was a human metronome by the name of Glenn McGrath who bowled with unwavering accuracy to pick up eight wickets. Today the perpetrator of the old fashioned disciplines of line and length was Stuart Clark.

England have had the good luck to come up against an Australian bowling attack this series whose performance could at best have been described as ragged. Fortunately for Ricky Ponting’s troops the English batsmen have demonstrated the collective resolve of Jerry mouse trying to cure his addiction to cheese; just one more nibble. England were already in trouble but it was the introduction of Clark at first change who reminded them of McGrath, their great nemesis. Supported by some excellent bowling from his cohorts it was Clark who crippled a leaden middle order by starving them of run scoring opportunities. It was left to Peter Siddle to kick away the crutches from this English patient. Painful to watch as an Englishman it was still reaffirming to see a rare outbreak of high class controlled cricket.

The loss of one talisman may be described as careless; to lose two could be described as foolish. Andrew Strauss has not been helped by the absence of first Kevin Pietersen and now Andrew Flintoff who looks increasingly likely to have played his final test wicketless. The absence of the two best players in the England team is one thing but the failure of the remainder to stand up and be counted is more concerning. Bopara, Bell and Collingwood are one of the least inspiring trios of batsmen in English Test history.

Stuck to the crease, body doing one thing, mind presumably doing another; a malaise has afflicted the middle order for which there is no apparent instant cure. The unfortunate trio have given the impression of leaving their bats in the locker room and arriving at the crease armed with sticks of rhubarb. Bell’s trials are well documented, Collingwood will back himself in to a corner and play another career saving innings and Bopara is busy proving what we all know; that he is not a Test match number three. His three centuries are the blip on a Test CV that has yielded only another 157 runs and no other scores above 50 in 11 further innings.

If the batting was bad then the bowling was abject and Andrew Strauss was left to fume at slip as his bowlers ignored everything that they had seen demonstrated so expertly by Australia. Incidentally, that Test match at Lords in 1997 ended in a draw thanks to the rain. There is little chance of the elements saving England this time and neither do they deserve it on the evidence of the first 80 overs at Headingley. No doubt it will be left to Bob Willis and Sir Ian, in the Sky commentary box, to try and drum up the viewers’ interest with tales of Headingley, 1981 and the good old days. If they have any sense then Butcher and Caddick will have turned the television off.